The Charcoal Bookmark

My Grandma Told Me to Simply "Make it Happen"...and I Did

2011-07-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

In my life, it seems like most character traits can be related to the sum of a person's habits and circumstances. I've had a lot of life changes in my life in these last two years (and who hasn't?) but it's really defined me as a person.

It's my habit to push myself as far and as fast as I can, driven by the success and hard-working attitude instilled in me by my parents and infused by my Army service. So it brought me to the East Coast. The transition wasn't easy, and the job was challenging, but it was a stepping stone for something greater.

By happenstance, I was head-hunted for a much more rewarding position in a much nicer area of Maryland. That, too, it was a challenge geographically, but I was determined to make the move happen; I had to for my family of four. And we did it, but it's still settling in, and as I adjust to my new life in my beautiful house, having meals on my beautiful table, I reflect on how most of who I am now is a result of habits and circumstance.

Really, I like to pat myself on the back more than I should, but most of my great life is a result of things that I didn't really affect, they sort-of happened. Maybe that's how life is supposed to be, and I'm not complaining, but maybe I'm just fortunate. And if that's all that it is, I'm grateful.

My generation has a lot of just-sos. People who live average lives in average houses with average kids and average jobs (if they're lucky) in blissful medium-grade existence.

Good for them.

I hope my life is more than that. I want my kids to experience more than just the status quo. I want to be able to buy Jeremiah the car he always wanted. I want people to read the things I write and really cry, laugh and sigh with my characters. I don't want to me just another fish in my hometown pool. I guess that's why I left.

I spoke with a friend the other day, and the topic turned to finances. I started to explain that my bank account has swelled, but cost of living is so high here that it's not THAT big of a difference, but they didn't hear that part. It was at this point when my friend decided that it would impress me if they told me how much money they make and oh won't it be great for this person to be swimming in such financial freedom...though last month they filed for bankruptcy. Ironic.

First, I don't think anyone really tells the truth there; either you embellish because you don't make as much as you should, or you make too much and wish not to brag, so you remain mum. I think this friend was undoubtedly the former. Funny thing is that it didn't impress me, but made me sad that this person felt the need to say that to me.

That's a product of society, though. Everyone is more obsessed with the image of success than the actuality of it. People in the ghetto drive nice cars and women have Prada bags, but they use those things to put food stamps in and drive to the unemployment office. It makes "being poor" easier to manage I guess. It's not a new concept; "image is everything" is an archaic mantra if you really think about it, but I guess I have a right to be affected by it as much as anyone from any generation.

I guess I was hoping we'd evolved beyond that.

In any event, if it all boils down to a series of unique circumstances affected by habits and circumstance, then I feel grateful that my unique and perfect storm swelled the way that it has thus far.

“Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

The Tozer Family

2011-04-07T13:40:00.001-07:00

Here are some Pics that my friend Linda took of my gorgeous family!

What a great way to start this new year!

Welcome to the World, Mark!

2011-03-08T15:27:00.001-08:00

He was a prime number baby! Born on 3-5-11, Mark Richard Tozer weighed in at 9lbs 5oz and 20 1/2 inches long.

He was born at 11:59pm, and he's perfect! He's such a sweet and mellow boy with such a calm disposition, and we're just in heaven over our new addition.

Bailey is the BEST big sister! She loves him! She gives him kisses, and tries to put his hat on for him, puts his blanket on him and even helps to feed him.

It just fills my heart with love to see my two babies together. It's amazing.

Well, we have a lot going on right now, so I'm going to get back to my family, but I had to post pictures of my amazing family. I couldn't be happier!

You're Perfect to Me

2011-01-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

I think every good mother in this world looks at their children and knows this feeling. No matter how difficult their child is being, or how rough everything is in life, to sit there, at the foot of their bed, watching them sleep, you can feel your heart overflow with love and you think, "you're perfect to me". It's an incredible feeling.

Having a daughter has taught me so many things about life, but most importantly, Bailey has changed me for the better in a way I never felt possible. I used to be impatient (okay, well I still am) and impulsive and driven to success in an almost selfishly single-minded obsession, but from the moment that little girl came into my life, screaming with the almighty strength of those perfectly formed lungs, my world has been forever altered.

True, I'm still impatient, and I can still be single-minded, but never, EVER when it comes to her. I never lose my temper or patience with her, no matter how difficult she's being. It's amazing. I always worried that my short fuse would translate into a black mark on m parenting skills, but I'm never ill at ease with Bailey, and I don't know why. Not that I'm complaining, mind, but she always amazes me with how much she changes me.

I used to live to push forward. I wanted to be as experienced and well-traveled and connected and successful as I could possibly be, and there was nowhere to go but up for me. Now, I can't wait to go home so I can walk through that door and have that little toddler come rushing toward me in a sea of smiles and pink.

I still work hard, but not at the expense of my family, and I don't stay at work until all ungodly hours for no reason when I would much rather be with Bailey, and read her books and play with her in the bathtub.

Strangely enough, this shift in priorities did nothing to stint my career progress. On the contrary, it may very well have propelled me to a position that I never thought possible at my age. I stopped obsessing over my success and found it anyway. Funny how life works out like that. :)

I love Bailey's smiles. When she smiles just for you it's like being inside joy. I love her laugh, and her inquisitive nature. I love her little outfits, and how she looks amazing in everything I put her in. I love how she runs, with wild abandon.

I love how bath time is the one time she never really fusses because she has control over her elements. I love how she's trying to form actual sentences now, and when she does something good and I clap that she claps with me.

But, above it all, I love that she loves me. I feel lucky and blessed that she's found me worthy of her love.

I used to think I was a woman cut out to raise boys. With their rough and tumble nature and their simple outfits, I always thought "yeah, I can handle boys, I think I get them better than girls" and I'm amazed at how wrong I was. Bailey brought out the girl in me. I love pink and I put her in it all the time now, and I like delicate decorations and light tones and bows and pretty dresses. Twenty-something years of feminine oppression has been released in me, and it feels good. I even have a pink phone! God knew exactly what I needed, and he gave it to me in that little six pound, thirteen ounce bundle of little girl.

Now I'm about to have a boy and I wonder if I'll be very good at it at all! I'm all ready for tea parties and stuffed animals and princess dresses, but can I handle mud and scrapes and frogs and all that? I hope so, and of course I plan to envelop my son in all the love and devotion I can muster, but I just hope that I can be as good as mom to him as I hope I am to my little girl.

All good mothers look at their children and they know they will always adore them, and I hope that Bailey knows that, in her deepest heart of hearts, I will forever feel that way about her. She's not easy-going, or simple, or distracted, and she's not the type to be placated by simple baubles, but she's amazing to me. She's smart in ways I never thought a child could be, and as inquisitive as a scientist. She's adventurous and curious, but careful not to mess up her dress. She's a princess in hiking boots, and I'd have it no less.

So, while I watch her delicate little frame sleeping in her crib, her cream-colored skin accented only slightly by the delicate rose-colored blush of her soft cheeks, I feel so grateful to be her mother, and to be able to love her and everything that she is.

I hope that Bailey will always know that, no matter what, she will forever and always be perfect to me.

The Holidays, the baby room and more

2011-01-07T07:28:00.001-08:00

Well, welcome to 2011!

So far our introduction to this year couldn't be better. We finally sold the house (after a long year of issues and failed offers and all that) to a great guy, bidding goodbye to the last thread that connected us, at least monetarily, to Colorado. It was a long haul, but it's official, and I'm happy the house went to such a great owner. May he have many wonderful years with the house as we did.

Bailey had the world's most amazing Christmas!

My mother decided to go a little overboard, and showered my little Princess Peach with everything she could ever want, and she loved it!

From books galore (she loves books) to blocks to dolls, Bailey is a happy and well entertained baby!
She's blossoming as well, and into such an amazing little girl. She's been able to walk since she was ten months old, and now she's attempting to climb things (not mommy's most favorite development).

She talks all the time and is just the happiest little girl. She brings joy to my heart. My favorite thing is when she comes running to greet me when I come home from work. With a big smile and a kiss, there's no greater happiness than this. :)

Fearless and bold my little girl goes, and growing, too! She's healthy and happy, weighing in at about 20lbs and 29 1/2 inches tall.

Mark is growing very well apparently, and he's quite the kicker! I feel like my stomach and internal organs are under baby siege every day, as this boy is just bouncing all over the place! He's still growing faster than they expect, about a week and a half ahead of schedule, so there's a chance that he'll be born early...I guess we'll see!

The baby room is just lovely and I am having so much fun putting all the pieces together. The colors that we picked out turned out to really compliment each other flawlessly, and it's shaping up to be a beautiful (yet manly, of course) baby room. I only have a few more weeks left, I can't believe it! Time sure has flown by!

These last few months we have been so blessed and are so grateful. Everything from selling the house, to winning a huge chunk of money from a radio contest (the exact amount we needed for the baby furniture ironically), to an unexpected Christmas bonus to a possible and substantial raise for Jessica, it looks like this year has been so kind to us already, and we're only seven days in!

I'll post pics from the completed baby room as that happens, and other details like his take-home outfit, and of course the pictures of his arrival, completing our family!

I already have Bailey's outfit all picked out!

Here's to good fortune, to moving forward, and to appreciation as we begin what I am calling "The Year of Progress". I hope you all find joy, love and happiness in 2011!

20 Weeks and Bailey Speaks

2010-10-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are at the 20 week mark. The baby is measuring about a week ahead of schedule, and I can already tell that this kiddo is going to be bigger than his dainty little sister. We have some great new photos to share as well!

Bailey is doing SO well. We're gearing up to go pick out her first pumpkin for Halloween this weekend! I found a beautiful farm outside of the city and they have a baby petting zoo, and a large pumpkin patch, free cider and everything! It's going to be so much fun. Bailey is saying all kinds of things these days, which is just delightful in so many ways!

She can run now, too, and climb, which is developmentally great but a little harrowing when it comes down to it. This child can get into ANYTHING and she has developed a new love for dipping electronic things where they ought not to be dipped.

She's decided to give both the battery pack for the XBOX and my blackberry a bath in my water cups, so now she's banned from all things technology and she is NOT happy about it (although, secretly I think that Daddy is letting her have these things when I am not home).

The holidays (and Bailey's FIRST birthday!!!) are right around the corner and I have a nursery to decorate, a baby to buy presents for and a husband who deserves a nice meal and a quiet evening, but we're holding on! Life goes fast for us, but we're so lucky and so fortunate for all of the wonderful friends and family that we have!

Not to mention Halloween! This is not her costume, it was one that was given to us, but we have something SUPER cute in store (thanks to Grandma Sue) that's going to be a surprise! Still, I had to share this pic!

Now, I wonder what dress I'll put Bailey in for her Christmas photo...

Baby Gender Prediction Success

2010-10-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Every pregnant woman wants to know (secretly, whether or not they say it) what they are having when they're pregnant. We all do it. We envision what it would be like to have a little baby wrapped in frilly pink gowns or little truck overalls, with dreams of pink or blue dancing in our heads. Women are, at heart, dreamers, so we like to daydream about our future bundle of joy as we plan for the future of our family.

Unfortunately, there is an entire industry dedicated to this inclination. I've seen it all; gender prediction tests that swear they can differentiate between XX and XY. Whether it be Drano, beats per minute, even with some milarky tale involving the hairline of your current children (apparently, if the hairline peaks near the base of the neck, the next child will be the opposite gender of the current child, but if it is straight across, the gender will be the same), but based on those tests, Bailey is supposed to be a boy, and my brother is a girl (my straight hairline tells all), so I'm going to go ahead and say these things are a 50/50 BS response with no real scientific basis.

Last year I tried a gender prediction test (for a news story) that involved a very expensive and somewhat painful blood test, that required you to prick your finger and provide an appropriate blood sample. Having never done it before, it's amazing how much you can screw that up, and how sore your fingertips end up being.

So this year I decided to do something different. This year I decided to try a gender prediction test called "Boy or Girl Gender Prediction Test" and I must say, I was a validated skeptic. http://www.intelligender.com

I had heard about this gender prediction test from a sonogram technician who told me that she'd had an influx of expectant mothers who were aghast when they learned that the gender on the ultrasound screen was the same as the one they had been given when using a simple urinalysis. So we made a pact; I would take the test and when I came back she'd tell me the gender, and we'd put it to the test.

So I went to CVS Pharmacy and I picked up the gender prediction test for about $40.00 (which is a little steep, but not nearly as bad as some gender prediction tests). I followed the directions to the letter, waited exactly 20 minutes, and this was my result:

Excited as I was, I wasn't sure that we should be out buying blue just yet. So we waited the four loooong weeks until my doctor appointment. I remember I envisioned what it would be like to have both a little girl and a little boy to join our family, and both dreams seemed so wonderful that I was thrilled with both options.

The sonogram technician stopped scrolling over my stomach suddenly and smiled. "There it is," She said, pointing to the very distinct white line on the screen. "That's a penis. It's a boy!" And, to seal the deal, my little man spread his legs when she turned on the 3D version, giving my a full-frontal confirmation of his masculinity.

So, while Drano, hairlines, blood samples and heartbeats all failed, it seems this simple urinalysis was the one who finally crossed the finish line. I have to say that I'm officially a believer, and while there is an obvious 50% chance of success with these things, I have to say that I'm pleasantly surprised.

If any of you pregnant ladies would like to give this method a try, I would LOVE to compare and hear your stories. Until then, we're off to the baby store, picking out little Mark Richard Tozer's first baby suit!

New things

2010-09-25T12:01:00.001-07:00

It seems like there are a lot of events headed our way. A new baby, Bailey's first birthday, her first Halloween, and her second Christmas. We're planning to move to a different part of Maryland next year (the military is transitioning everyone everywhere, so with working for the government it's only a matter of time) and so there are a lot of firsts, a lot of things to consider and a lot of choices to make. Jeremiah is optimistic; he thinks that everything will work out, and that we're moving in a good direction. I believe him, but it is daunting when there are so many things coming up!

We're looking into things for the baby. Our theme this time is Peter Rabbit, so we're exploring options. Because it's not really sold in stores, we're turning to the more financially responsible option of eBay, and there are a lot of really cute things on there! I have my eye on an adorable nightlight and a charming light switch plate. Also, thanks to my friend Jessica Rigdon, I learned that you can buy huge lots of clothing for really good prices!

I feel like girl clothes are so much more fun than boy clothes, but I think that's the fact that a lot of the clothes are sports-oriented for boys and, as we all know, I care very little about sports. Would it be unfair to dress him only in sweater vests? :)

Bailey's birthday is going to be a cupcake-infused "Sugar and Spice" theme, and it's going to be so cute! Pink and sparkles everywhere, and I'm making a giant cupcake cake, with a pink ribbon bottom and white with sparkle top. I'll post pictures when the party comes around, it's going to be delightful!

Here is a sneak peek...the dress I bought her for her party. It is sooo perfect and Bailey's going to look amazing!

Moving onward and upward, that's what we're all about these days!

It's a BOY!

2010-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

Soo...after half an hour of searching (and five needle pricks from the amount of attempts it took them to draw my blood) we have our answer and...it's a boy!

Yep, we're having a little Price to join our ranks. It was so funny, the baby's legs were clamped shut and then, all of a sudden he loosened up and there it was! The little white "boy" line. It is a very distinct difference than the three little girl lines, and so very boy-ish.

We're naming him Mark Richard Tozer. Mark, for Jeremiah's beloved late father and Richard, for my beloved living father. Jeremiah's mother cried when we told her; she said it was such an honor. We're thrilled.

Bailey is going to be the best big sister ever! Now, if only we had something, anything for a boy! LOL, Christmas this year is going to be all blue and green.

Mark Richard Tozer, coming Spring of 2011!

And then there were...FOUR!

2010-09-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hello all! Long time, no see! I'm so sorry to have neglected my blogging on this page; it seems that life got a little ahead of me. Well, a lot has changed since my last posting! Let's see...

We moved to Maryland so I could peruse a job as a professional speech writer for senior leaders at the Pentagon. It's definitely a change of pace but I really like it. The people here are very different, but not in a bad way. Everyone is a mover and a shaker, all headed towards professional growth and development. A few issues with this place, though. I'm not a fan of my neighborhood (although I LOVE my landlord and his amazing family and I'm blessed to call them friends), the commute is AWFUL and I realize that being the youngest person in the office CAN have it's perks, but it also comes with a price...like not having kids in the same age group for instance. Still...as my sister-in-law Samara said, good things come with change. :)

What else? Oh yes! Jeremiah is a stay-at-home daddy and doing a fantastic job of it. Bailey is the pearl of his world and he adores every second with her. It's incredible to see the Mr. Mom he's become. Even injured as he is, he still does the laundry, the dishes, cooks dinner, makes Bailey her food, cleans her, bathes her, changes her, takes her for walks and teaches her things. He even rubs my back when I get home after making me dinner!

How did I get so lucky? :)

Ah, and the Tozer's of the East coast are headed for a fuller household since I found out that I'm pregnant...again! Yep, We;re expecting Tozer number two March 8th (and I do love March). It's going to be so great. So far I'm 15 weeks along and doing fine. I have an ultrasound appointment next Wednesday and if we get a good money shot I could find out what I'm having!

I have my lips sealed this time on what I think it is and what I want (much to the chagrin of Jeremiah, who can't figure it out and it's driving him mad) but I'll let you know when I know the gender for sure what I thought it was going to be. How exciting! Our kids will be about 16 months apart. It will be rough in the beginning, but great as they get older and will be close enough in age to appreciate many of the same things. Jeremiah and I look forward to the challenge.

Ah, but we must admit that I think the Tozer family expansion ends here. Two seems like a great number. :)

This baby's nursery theme is Peter Rabbit (which can work with both genders quite well) and despite it not being a hot ticket in stores, it's adorable and everywhere on ebay. I've found some really great Peter Rabbit treasures so far, and I look forward to decorating again! Yay!

Well I guess that about sums it up! We have a new address, a new baby on the way, a new out look on life and some old negative influences that are no longer a bother.

Onward and upward! Stay tuned!

My husband, the father

2010-01-15T17:02:00.000-08:00

I knew what kind of man Jeremiah was going to be when I first met him, because he told me.

We were playing video games in the townhome he shared with his brother and friend, and it was just the two of us. I was going on and on about my hopes and dreams; to own a home, to see the world, to write, to be a producer, to have a family, that sort of thing.
When I was done I asked him what he wanted to get out of life and he said, "I want to be a good father. My dad was a good father, and I want to be a good father someday. And to be happy. And have nice cars."
Well, I'm happy to say that I was able to accomplish many of my goals for life over the last few years. I DID get to see the world. I DID buy a house, I DID find success professionally, and I DID fall in love, get married, and had a family. But I think the real triumph in our love story is Jeremiah being a daddy.

Some men worry and wonder about being a good father, but for Jeremiah it almost seems to come naturally. I've never been so impressed with any man's dedication to his child like I am with Jeremiah.

In the morning he gets her up and kisses her forehead. He changes her, dresses her, feeds her, comforts her, plays fun and stimulating games with her, has tummy time, singing time, takes walks with her, bathes her, reads to her, and rocks her to sleep.

His patience is unwavering, too. She could scream at him for hours and he'd be just fine, if not a little more deaf for the experience. :)

I know a great many women know their husbands and partners to be good fathers, and they'd be right, but as far as I am concerned there isn't a human on this planet more amazing, and deserving of the title Daddy than Jeremiah.

So here's to Jeremiah...my husband the Father.

All the things I haven't written about in 6 months...

2010-01-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

Heh, so clearly I've been neglectful of my blogging. However, I plan to review the events of the last 6 months in a quick but informative blog here. First of all, I had a beautiful baby girl named Bailey Rae on November 11th, 2009. She has been a joy in our lives that we never knew existed. She is a little rough with the sleeping, but at almost two months she is just now starting to slep better. Her friend, Aspen, my friend Jessica Caton's daughter, sees her once a week about, where they lay on a mat and make cute googly noises to each other. Bailey is small, about 8 1/2 pounds, but she is growing at her own pace, and that's good enough for me!
She had a terrific Christmas! I put her in an adorable outfit and she smiled for pictures with a happiness that makes everything in life worth it. I unfortunately had to have emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed the day after Christmas but I'm happy to say I've all but recovered at this point. :)
The New Year was terrific! We went to a baby New Years party where all the babies dressed up in black "Happy New Year" onsies and their moms took photos.
I'm excited to see what 2010 will bring us, our family is doing wonderfully!

It's funny how things don't work out according to plan...

2009-06-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

So...

Apparently. God I have to say I was totally THUNDERSTRUCK when they told me, I completely expected to see a penis, but I guess we can't plan life out as well as we we think. Jeremiah is of course thrilled to have his little princess, and I can see visions of lace and ruffle dancing in his head when he looks at the sonogram pics.

Having a girl is a great opportunity! I'm so excited to have her be a part of our lives! My mom says that every good mother deserves a daughter and I could not agree more! I want to start buying all sorts of dresses and bows immediately!

I'm 20 weeks and I haven't gained one pound! I actually weigh less now than I did when I got married, making me the luckiest girl in the history of the world I think. The baby is gaining perfectly, one day ahead of schedule as a matter of fact. Ah, my child is already an accelerated student, as is to be expected.
Anyway, we are going to name her Bailey Rae Tozer, and so far she is perfect. :)

More baby info

2009-05-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to wait until June to find out the sex of the baby, much to my chagrin. However, I am at peace with it. So far, so good. The baby is growing normally and everything is moving and shaking and developing according to plan.
Here are the new pics of the little Tozer baby! :)

The blue ribbon has always been mine

2009-05-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of this yet?
Of trying and failing at every chance you get?
Of always trailing behind,
and calling me unkind,
Like my victories are somehow only to make your life worse.
Seriously?
You think my time is worth that little?
It's not just you,
It's your little puppet master, too.
Whispering venomous thoughts to you,
Sweet sounds with a vicious tongue.
Making you think the battle is not yet won,
Forcing you onto the field to walk the path I laid out.
It wasn't always this way,
Your own happiness was once something you would never betray,
When did your goal become my life?
When did you give up your own strife,
To shadow me?
Were you not happy on your own road?
Were there not treasures untold,
And boldness to unfold
Of your own?
The steps I take I took for myself,
I would never want to be second shelf,
To the ever after of someone else.
I see you have chosen yet another ribbon to have,
Making sudden course corrections to be the most fatted calf.
But the contest is already won,
Your plot is undone,
And it benefits no one,
But it hurts one.
Do you think it's okay,
To act this way?
And he'll just keep holding his breath for another day?
That's crazy, baby.
So if you can't stop for your sake, maybe stop for him.
All he wants is all you regretfully have to give him,
This blue ribbon has always been mine,
And all this time,
I thought you were fine with it.
I was wrong.

Baby Update!

2009-03-20T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am having ONE baby. I am so thrilled about this, and was honestly nervous about the idea of twins, so I am thankful that we get to do it one at a time. LOL

Sorry to those of you who were hoping for multiples. Better luck next pregnancy! :)

Had the First sonogram today, although at this point the baby is about the size of a pinto bean so you won't be able to see anything beyond a blob until April 13th, which is the big sonogram day. That's when we will (hopefully) find out the sex of the baby!

Okay, this is the baby at nearly seven weeks. Its very small, so you wont be able to make out any features, but it definitely is

As far as everything pregnancy related goes, all is well. I'm feeling fine, if nothing else my appetite has gone down substantially although the doctor says that is totally normal. I feel fine, no morning sickness but I'm tired often.

The doctors discovered that the due date is actually November 9th, not 7th, based on the size of the baby. This is a Monday, and still a Scorpio, so I don't think that will change. :)

Blood work and tests came back and the baby is fine and healthy. I'm fine and healthy. It's like I was built for this or something. The ultrasound tech told me once again that I had nice ovaries. Strangest compliment EVER..twice...

Jeremiah saw the baby, and the little heartbeat for the first time. I hope all continues to go well!

More updates as they become available!

The Stork is coming to my house!

2009-02-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

That's right folks! Jeremiah is going to be a daddy! I'm expecting, and it's due sometime in November it looks like. Get ready world, here comes the next generation of Tozer!

I don't know if the horse and carriage in this day and age are on the same page...

2009-02-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

But here is what I think about marriage.

Big Daddy's a Mother F*cker, literally

2009-02-04T11:57:00.000-08:00

Honor isn't about making the right choices. It is about dealing with the consequences.

Recently my friend Clemmy posted a blog about a woman I dubbed a "terminally unlovable breeder". Somehow she took her lifetime supply of stupid pills and produced four children with four different men. Then she apparently milks the men for money and proclaims her hardships with an open hand declaring her need sympathy.

Sorry sweetie, but you will get no mercy from me. That's like the people that expect me to sympathize when they hurt themselves doing dangerous things and are outraged. You fell rock climbing. You were ROCK CLIMBING, not trying out a new sofa on the AFW show floor.

Idiots.

But I digress...

Let's talk about sex, baby. Better yet, let's talk about what sex often produces.

We'll leave out STD's for another blog.

I'm talking about babies.

Like I told Clemmy, being able to make a baby no more makes you a parent than being able to make a sandwich makes you a sous chef.

Anyone capable can accomplish a biological process like making a baby, so stop walking around like you deserve a medal and a cake for it.

Mother of Christ.

You are not her.

That being said, if you make your bed, you must lie in it. This is what being a grown up is all about, kids. Taking responsibility for all the big boy and girl steps you take.

The biggest of these (respectfully) is learning to be a parent. Whether it is a trap, on accident or on purpose, if you have sex and your actions produce a baby that is not aborted then your ass had better settle in for the ride.

It's not something most people naturally know how to do. Not even women. It is a learned, practiced trial-and-error procedure. You're not going to get it right every time, but you always get class participation points for trying your hardest.

Parenting is not an exact art, and you just have to hope that your kids take away the things they should to make themselves into noble men and women.

However, the concept of trying is about as foreign to some people as Hindustani is to, oh, say...Humpback Whales.

I would like to say, on behalf of the human race, that I am really fucking sick and tired of deadbeat parents. What do you think you're doing to these kids by not being a part of their lives? You think that selfishly parenting your own society of disgruntled and unbalanced spawn is a GOOD idea?

The test of a man is in their ability to take responsibility for their actions.

The test of a woman is to endure the sacrifices she must make for the sake of her own well being and the well being of others.

These are the hardest things for men and women to do. If you fail at these tasks, then you essentially fail at being a person in my opinion.

And seriously, I know that accidents often happen, but why are you women being so negligent around these assholes? I know we are often blinded by love and unfortunately that can have some really harsh lessons learned, but wasn't there something inside you that told you, "Yeesh...this guy would be a HORRIBLE dad, maybe I should go buy condoms."

Even if you didn't buy condoms, I just want to know if that little voice of paralyzing reason was shrieking in your love sick ear.

I heard it, can't you?

The truth of the matter is that there are some terrific guys out there.

Good, honest, hard working men that wouldn't lie to or deceive you. They wouldn't hurt your kids or steal your shit for drug money. They wouldn't hurt you, or make you feel like crap. They would love and cherish you for as long as life allowed them to.

But you're not having babies with THOSE men.

No, no...the children of the world are being fathered by the lowest common denominators, and that worries me about the future IQ scores as well.

Somewhere along the way so many women lost sight of what it meant to find a good man, and so many men lost their ability to become one.

Am I saying that EVERY woman who gets pregnant is knocked up by an asshole? Certainly not, but I think this habit of struggling single mothers and jerk off fathers and children torn apart by it is an unfair scenario for ALL parties.

This is getting WAY out of hand for this day and age.

We can watch TV on our ipod from 35 thousand feet, operate on human organs with robotic-controlled lasers, genetically pick the sex of our baby, communicate instantly in about 20 different forums, split atoms and walk on the moon but we can't make a realistic cohesive familial unit?

People should have to pass tests before they are allowed to breed.

"The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world is to be in reality what we would appear to be; all human virtues and strengthen themselves by the practice and experience of them."
~Socrates

My hero...

2008-12-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

He sacrificed his personal dreams so that we, his children, could have ours.

He works harder, and with more dedication than is generally necessary.

He is selfless and brilliant and creative and uniquely tender to cats.

For all the things, and all the disagreements, and all the parent/child arguments we have had, I am happy to call him, this brilliant, honest, honorable man Dad.

Dr. Richard Hubbard

“Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.” ~Mark Twain

2008-12-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

I like to pride myself on being an atypical woman. A woman of substance, character and depth. I like to think that my unconventional ways, my dominating mindset and my feminazi opinions are the things that define me as different.

However, in light of my recent revelation I have discovered something so generic, so quintessentially feminine, so terribly typical that I actually had to think about the label it would place on me if I said it out loud.

Then I thought, "Hey, what the hell?"

If you read my blog about exboyfirendjewelry.com, then you must be familiar with the fact that I became obsessed with this site. I thought it was because I like gossip stories about sordid love affairs.

I was wrong.

I discovered, as I was looking up a particularly lovely aquamarine necklace from Jared’s website that I saw referenced on exboyfriendjewelry.com, that what drew me to the website was not the tales of woe, or even the ridiculously cheap prices.
It was the jewelry.

I realized, with a thundering realization that struck me so hard I physically recoiled, that I am having a love affair with jewelry.

I…adore…jewelry. I had no idea! I discovered that the sight of a teardrop sapphire necklace with diamond accents, or a sparkling cushion cut Legacy ring from Tiffany’s actually makes me physically happy.

I love seeing the classic diamond solitaire coupled with an eternity band, or the emerald cut ruby earrings or a brilliant opal (a rock that Shakespeare called “the queen of gems) pendant shaped like a heart, hugged by small sparkling diamonds .
And I love sapphires and Emeralds. Some people don’t like colored stones, and I have my limits, but I don’t think I have a ceiling on delight when it comes to Emeralds.

But of course…nothing, and I really mean NOTHING can compare to a brilliant, flawless, sparkling diamond.

Funny enough, I like looking at the gaudy, odd looking jewelry as well. Even though I myself would never wear it, and sometimes I find them downright hideous, I still like to window shop this array of glittering horrors.

Just thought I would share this new and enveloping passion I have for all things gemstone. It will take me a little while to get used to the fact that I have actually possessed a hidden feminine obsession after all.

Oddly enough, I originally felt ashamed that I could be entertained by such a symbolically material thing such as gemstones, but it is not as if I sit in front of my computer shaking my fist at the sky that I was not born into a family that uses diamonds as forms of currency. I’m actually okay with just looking, and I do love to look.

“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.” ~John Webster

A Song for Ireland

2008-12-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

Walking all the day
Near tall towers where falcons build their nests
Silver-winged they fly
They know the call of freedom in their breasts
Saw Black Head against the sky
Where twisted rocks they run to the sea

Living on your western shore
Saw summer sunsets, asked for more
I stood by your Atlantic Sea
And sang a song for Ireland

Drinking all the day
In old pubs where fiddlers love to play
Saw one touch the bow
He played a reel which seemed so grand and gay
Stood on Dingle Beach and cast
In wild foam we found Atlantic bass

Talking all the day
With true friends who try to make you stay
Telling jokes and news
Singing songs to pass the time away
Watched the Galway salmon run
Like silver dancing, darting in the sun

Dreaming in the night
I saw a land where no one had to fight
Waking in your dawn
I saw you crying in the morning light
Sleeping where the falcons fly
They twist and turn all in your air-blue sky

HEY! That's not a ring of eternal love, it's a noose!

2008-12-19T17:19:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I stumbled across this website called exboyfriendjewelry.com, and it is exactly as it sounds. All the jewelry an ex gave you can be auctioned off for a (frankly) very fair price. The only catch is, you have to explain what happened in your relationship to turn him/her from current to ex.

I found myself a woman obsessed.

I spent hours looking at each and every story and ring in the "rings" section, foaming at the mouth for more sorry tales of woe and drooling over a particularly nice Dooney and Burke purse bought by a dumped boyfriend.

I went through dozens of pages and hundreds of ads, each ring, each broach, each sapphire pendant attached to its own personal tale of heartbreak.

I ate it up.

Now, before you go launching ideas about how I am a happily married woman who feeds off of the misery of single and brokenhearted, allow me to explain my actions.
This, to me, was more of an anthropological study of couples, and why relationships, especially nowadays, seemed doomed from the get-go.

I determined a few things that I would like to share. First of all, nearly everyone who enters into marriage, or even an engagement, has this pie-in-the-sky idea of true love. Correction, they have the sensationalized, dramatic, impossible expectation of love ingrained in us by the time we see our first Disney Princess movie.

Which is great...for daydreaming, but it is not so great when your relationships keep falling apart because you're holding out for that ONE guy who is going to meet every freaking expectation you thrust upon him. Women, listen up, because this could very well save your love life: adjust your expectations so they clear a path for reality. I can already hear the word SETTLE in my head, but that is not what I am saying. I'm saying that learning to love the right kind of man will make you a much happier woman.

And they don't change. You're not God. You won't get them to change. You can get them to play pretend for a while, maybe, but who they are is who they are going to be.

Another common denominator was the age factor. SO MANY of those women hawking their eternal love bands were singing the same tune: Too young, high school sweetheart, grew up, grew apart, didn't work out.

So often you see this with teenagers. They get married to the guy they dated in high school, maybe knock out a couple of adult years together, it falls through, the cheap ring the prom date/boyfriend bought with his minimum wage salary gets sold. It is really sad actually, but even as a teenager I held up this protest flag. I preached the "DON'T MARRY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND!" bit once in speech class, and I distinctly remember a guy named Mike protesting, telling me that HIS girlfriend would never do that, THEIR relationship was solid and blah blah blah.

Several weeks later I heard she chased him down in her car, while he was on his skateboard. They broke up. Aww....

Hate to say I told you so...

The issue is so simple; who you are in high school is not (or at least should not be) who you are as an adult! You have to be a whole person before you can love someone enough to endure them for the rest of your life! You're still putting together the pieces as a teenager. And you can whine and bitch about how you're going to be different kids. It won't matter. I've heard it all before, and the only person I know who is still married to the guy they dated in high school shouldn't be.

The third and final commonality is the big C. C H E A T E R.
The worst thing, the hardest betrayal, and the most lied about thing (second only to money) in ANY already struggling relationship. The cause for the most divorces, and spousal murders, head to head with money. SO MANY CHEATERS! It was enough to make you think the world is so full of them, there may be nothing else! When did it become so prevalent to cheat on people? Has it always been done, and only now talked about, or does no one realize the legal ramifications of it? To me, cheating is abhorrent, especially if you are married, morons. Cheating is grounds for divorce. Divorce is pricey, its painful, and its prolonged by our court system.

It's like willingly wrecking your car into a building and refusing to pay the fines so you can spend more time in jail.

Why would you do that? And the STDs that run around nowadays? Yick...I guess I am not that much of a risk taker. And it makes so many people jaded and damaged because of it. My husband was cheated on by his ex-girlfriend and he had major trust issues because of her. Thankfully he learned that not all women are lying, cheating flakes with poor grammar (sorry, had to take the shot...you would too if you saw it...I'm convinced she might be mentally retarded...no one could make it through school and be THAT bad at EVERYTHING).

He was lucky though. What about the people that date repeat offenders? Or people that got an illness, or knocked up, or abandoned, or robbed because the man or woman they loved conned their way into someone else's baby making factory? Cheating is unfair, unjust, and grounds for divorce. It is even still illegal in some countries.

This South Korean actress, OK So-ri, is sentenced to serve an eight month suspended sentence for having an affair, and cheating on her husband. She is lucky. The usual penalty for adultery is about eighteen months there.

Even old Blue Eyes, Mr. Frank Sinatra, spent some time in handcuffs for "carrying on with a married woman." The charge was dropped down to adultery and he spent no time in the slammer for it, but even still, this was less than 100 years ago. Imagine if that penalty still existed here in the states.

I guess what I am saying is, let's be realistic about marriage. The dream is to find the person who completes you, to marry, raise children, and slowly slip into the arms of elderly insanity and incontinence together.

The reality is: 50% of marriages end in divorce. That's half, for all of you math enthusiasts. There is no real way to make yourself impervious, sometimes things don't work out.

My unsolicited advice is this:
If you like to sleep around, don't get married.

If all you have is passion and no substance, don't get married.

If the thought of spending an exorbitant amount of time with this person makes you want to throw up, don't get married.

If you're getting married for ANY moral obligation, and not exclusively love, don't get married.

If you got someone else pregnant, don't even propose you moron.

If you're not old enough to drink, don't get married.

If you bought the ring to pacify her, don't get married.

If you are marrying for money, don't get married.

If your fiance values money too much, don't get married unless you feel compelled to lose all of yours.

If you are not ready, and he or she is trying to pressure you into fulfilling their dreams, don't get married.

In short, you know if it's wrong. Stop trying to justify it.

These are not foolproof, but it could definitely save you the trouble of legal divorce. It's like getting demoted; everyone knows you by one title, and when you are reduced to your old one, it stings.

It just FLEW in here...I don't know where it came from!

2008-12-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes months, or even years, for a good story to take shape in my head.

Sometimes they just fly into my mind and smack me in the face.

Yesterday I got smacked in the face with a brilliant idea. I was just an image, then it formed and grew and became this incredible stream of thought. I don't have names, dates or places set in stone yet, but this whole thing started with one single phrase:

Derek did not love Angela.

That is all it was. A single thought, one tiny point to be made, and I formed a whole story behind this one sentence that popped into my head as I was about to go to sleep.

Derek did not love Angela.

For some reason, it was so powerful to me, so definite and explanatory! Naturally, I woke my husband up to tell him. I am pushy. I had to tell someone. Luckily I married a patient man, and he groggily rose to consciousness and listened to me prattle off ideas until I had formed a whole story! It is so strange, so very character specific, so different from anything else I have ever written or thought of, that it surprised me that I want to write it so passionately.

I had in this image in my head of a man in his mid 20's, staring at himself in an oval full length mirror as he fastened the cuff links on his suit sleeve. His face was handsome, but scowling, and he seemed very irritated. It is definitely summer, the scene outside is green and lush, the sprinkling of colorful flowers dot a very well manicured lawn. He has slightly long drown hair, high pronounced cheekbones and pale green eyes. His long eyelashes drape over his large round eyelids, and his pale skin shows just a hint of freckles.

Derek did not love Angela.

Then a story started to flow from my mouth, starting with that very phrase. Here is what I have so far. I cannot keep my find from thinking about this story. Never before has a tale begged to be told by me more. I look forward to making this thought a reality.

Derek did not love Angela.

It was not as if he hated her, he just didn't love her. Probably never would. She was not ugly, or unfeeling, or even uninteresting. No, she was not an unfortunate woman. He just didn't love her. To him, this was a matter of great importance. He had tried, on his father's insistence, to make himself love her. He could not. It was like when his schoolteachers tried to get him not to write with his left hand. They tried to force him to be right handed. He could not. As a result, his left hand was smacked so hard as a child that his fingers broke and healed awkwardly, making for very poor handwriting. Yet, he could not make himself write any other way. He could not make himself love her.

Derek did not love Angela, and yet he was still going to marry her.

Shane Mercado Does Beyonce's "Single Ladies" - The Bonnie Hunt Show

2008-12-08T12:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Cheri for bringing this to light! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ExgUW6ak8

They won't let me embed, because...well I have no reason actually.

Who would have thought that DO NOT PUSH button really worked?!

2008-12-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

Some things I have learned along the way:

Don't burn bridges just to start something. Burn them when you absolutely know you'll never want to go back there. Ever.

More often than not, you want what you can't have and you have what you don't want.

Dreams are nothing without action.

Building any relationship on any lie, no matter how minute it seems, will end up screwing you.

If you don't have many friends, there is likely a very valid reason for that.

Integrity and silence are not the same thing.

Anything worth doing requires some form of self sacrifice.

Know when to stop...seriously.

Doing the right thing is twice as hard, and often half as rewarding, but the moral payoff is well worth it.

Karma comes around...good or bad...remember that.

You often recognize in people what you dislike most in yourself.

I don't like people who mooch off of others.

An undeserved sense of self entitlement only means you will hold up your panhandling sign with pride.

Americans are typically woefully naive of the rest of the world.

Some things you can go out and get, it's the things you cannot control that are the real accomplishments when reached, or at the very least, understood.

I am jealous of women who can have babies seamlessly.

I tend to hold what others cannot control against them, and that is unfair.

Understanding who you are, who you must be, who you can never be, and where life is taking you are the realizations that keep people from being disappointed when things don't go according to plan.

Learn to love what you can, instead of loathing those who have what you don't.

Find the joy in small things, that is what life is made up of, after all.

A good work ethic is worth twice as much as a competent but lazy employee.

Sometimes it's not about how good you are, but how hard you try, that makes the difference.

Take responsibility for your actions, no matter what they may be.

It is okay to daydream.

Reading keeps me sane.

I would be nothing today if I hadn't suffered in the past.

Hope is really hard for the pragmatic...that is why they must aspire to do it most of all.

If you can't talk to family about the things that bother you, it is likely worse than you thought.

Having good friends is like winning the personality lottery, and you should count each friend as a gift.

Appearances can be very deceiving.

Beware the repercussions of your actions if you chose to attack someone while the skeletons still hang in your closet.

People who pretend to have good marriages are like children having a pretend tea party; sure it is pretty, and on the surface maybe even envious, but in the end all you're holding is a serving of empty air.

Sometimes being polite to someone undeserving of it can only stretch you so far.

Being honest is hard, and well worth it.

Taking responsibility for your own actions is to NOT point the finger at those who brought your faults, inadvertently or otherwise, to light.

In romantic relationships, you cry too much over them, they are not worth it.

Boys and girls still carry on the genetics of their parents, yet so many pine for sons.

Taking action towards your goals is grueling, but the proverbial adrenaline rush of it all can carry you to the top.

The world is worth seeing; good or bad, you understand this existence more with a broad knowledge of humanity.

Money is the one thing that still stresses me out beyond all reckoning.

I am willing to be patient if it means I will eventually be right.

"Always, always, you recede through the evenings, toward the TWILIGHT erasing statues..." ~ Pablo Neruda (Love Ended) A movie in review

2008-11-24T17:49:00.000-08:00

It is the typical teenage love story.

Boy (Edward) meets girl (Bella). Boy drinks the blood of others to survive. Boy clings to his slippery self control in order to keep himself from violently murdering girl. Girl thinks he is hot, and constantly tries to push the boundaries of his super strength by tempting fate to her doorstep.
Some stuff happens, love triangle, supernatural opponents, death threats, terrific build-up which leads to a violently disappointing anti-climactic ending of the series.

Twilight is like a beautiful girl on a bicycle that gets hit by a car.

It is a gorgeous story, the make-up and outfits are seductive, the scene is beautiful, and then, without warning, all the guts, the core that held the story together are suddenly spattered all over the pavement.

I don't regret reading it, I regret watching it fall on its face so hard. But enough about the book. Lets talk about the movie!

So far, based on the opinions of the people I have talked to, there seem to be two schools of thought about the low-budget blockbuster hit: Either you liked it, or you hated it.
It really is a one or the other thing, and since I am slightly torn, I will simply point out the good and the bad as I see it.

The Good: I thought the acting was well done. Kristin Stewart, who plays Bella is, to me, a very realistic portrayal of a teenager. Whether or not she was an accurate portrayal of Bella depends on what you imagined Bella to be like, but I thought she did a great job making her character down to earth. Loved her father in the movie as well. Alice, Edward's quasi-sister, was portrayed very well. The dialogue was, for the most part, well acted, and it was endearing as an on screen story. The romance is the type of mad, passionate, can't-get-away-from-you, outta the ball park love affair that teenagers dream of, and adults wish they experienced. It is fun to see them do this sort of Verboten Leibe dance with each other.

The bad: I found myself very disappointed that they didn't show the Cullen vamp fam more often. The few quick times you do see them, you are left wishing Bella would wander off and the camera would just stay with the Cullens. The special effects were cheesy and badly done, and the part where Edward steps into sunlight for the first time feels remarkably like having someone tell you that you've won a car, and it turns out to be a toy instead of the real deal. In case you haven't seen it, don't let me spoil the let down, but for those of you who have seen it, I ask you this: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!!?!?!

Why to see it: It is a romance that makes you feel as though you want these two people to be together, it has some silly moments, and the Vampire Cullens are definitely worth watching, if only just for the eye candy value. They are like the vampire friends you always wanted. :)

Why to skip it: If you are a fan of the books, and you have a VERY different opinion on the way people should LOOK and SOUND like, or if you are the spouse or cynical friend of a Twilight obsessed fan, you won't enjoy this. It is a story, not an epic adventure.

I personally liked the film for what it was, and not what it insisted upon itself. I am thoroughly interested to see what they manage to come up with in the second movie. For the love of God, I hope the effects are better, the budget is bigger, and the scenes are more dramatic. They can get away with shoddy motion effects, but people morphing into Werewolves must be done right, or not at all.

Accolades, condemnations? I look forward to it.
~JLT

Oh look, you've dug so deep this mole hill is a mountain...

2008-11-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

And I can't wait to put it behind me.
I am exhausted and frustrated and I cannot wait until it is in the past.
That's all.

NEW STAR TREK TRAILER IS AMAZING!!!

2008-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

I made this poster. Shut up. It's cool. :)
My nerd is showing...this is a new movie, that takes place BEFORE the original series. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura...all strapping, hot young Star Fleet noobs. The premise is that someone from the future goes back in time to kill Kirk, and the Leonard Nemoy version of Spock goes back and stops it, but it changes the future, so it is as if the crew of the enterprise has a clean slate.

So SciFi, so Trek....but I don't care. I am dying to see this movie.

And I can't stop watching this trailer.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/large_trailer2.html

So glad I could be here on your big day to make you look better by comparison...wee...

2008-11-17T11:50:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why brides feel compelled to inflict torture on their bridesmaids by forcing them to wear something heinous on the wedding day.

It is expensive, it is embarrassing, it is unfair, it is pointless, and it is ugly.

Did I do that to my bridesmaids? I don't think so...I thought letting them chose their tops and bottoms was a good thing! I thought that the colors were not the type you look at and go, "Ehhh...what kind of shade of....whatever that is...IS that thing anyway?"

Clover green and buttercup yellow are sort of hard to mess up, if you ask me...

Somebody....please....tell me WHY brides do this to people they call friends? Is there some sort of unwritten law where all the years of built up resentment and jealously can only be unleashed in the form of a taffeta monstrosity?!
Also...I don't know how socially acceptable it is to decline a bridesmaid position, but if one does, I think that the bride should respect that girl's decision (and apparently the need for clothing dignity) and let them be. Don't force them to become part of your fashion nightmare ensemble just because you won't take no for an answer.

Additionally, if you decline, stick to your guns. I don't care if the bride decides to picket your front lawn, you stand by your decision. This translates to RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
It is not a crime to decline, ladies.

And speaking of weddings in general...

I think who you are as a person, and how you will function in your marriage, is directly proportionate to how you put together your wedding. It's like the ultimate personality test.

Men...keep this in mind.

They say weddings make you crazy and whatnot, but that is not the case for everyone. Jeremiah and I organized our wedding together, with the extremely appreciated help of my organized friend Rebecca (without which the wedding we had could not have happened), and it made for a fun party, good times and a lot of drinking. No one freaked out the day of, and everyone had a good time.
Brides...I have news for you...the day, no matter what you think, is not all about you. Let me say that again...IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

NO, STOP DISAGREEING WITH ME! IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!

Truthfully, it is about so many things. It is about the family, who use the time to reconnect with each other. They are not there to worship you, suprise suprise, so don't be put out when relatives would rather sing old family songs and drink whiskey then bow down to your "glory". Psshh. If everyone had an Irish wedding there would be no problem here. Drinking and singing are the reasons why people should go to weddings, really. :)

Weddings are about moments cherished, and GOOD food. Grandma cutting a rug on the dance floor with grandpa, dancing in the style of when they were young, their smiles spread across their face. Little kids in ribbons and clip on ties sliding along the floor in their stockings and socks, the ring bearer chasing the flower girl around the room. The shrieks of laughter coming from the little girl with the pink ribbon as she dances on her daddy's toes.

Food that makes you close your eyes and say "yum" with every bite. The kind you remember at the next wedding you go to, and people say, "Well the food at your wedding was amazing!" The kind of food people appreciate, not just for the taste, but for the selection.

Weddings should have a cake that goes good with coffee, not a cake that goes good on the siding of a house. I am sorry, but as pretty as fondant is, I think it is woefully unfair to inflict that on people. It tastes like plaster. We all know it. Trust me when I say that you are not going to look back on your wedding and cherish all the photos of the damn cake. Just go with regular frosting. Please.

I don't know when weddings went from fun to frustrating, but it seems that the orchestrated stress parties have taken over the family fun time. Not to mention the growing exorbitant costs involved. People (well, brides, actually) are actually willing to sacrifice their fiancé’s savings to fund the wedding in a world where half of the marriages entered into become divorces.

You may now kiss your nest egg goodbye....

Zero Punctuation and Fable Two

2008-11-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

This is an online review from a British guy who lives in Australia who goes by the moniker Yahtzee Croshaw. He reviews video games in a plucky, cartoon way, and he is surly and uncompromising and harsh and hysterical. Check it out if you are not easily offended, because I am pretty sure there is no topic too taboo for this guy.

He's charming in the way that an old, discolored but favored chair is charming. You are so used to seeing it that it does not shock you as much as it used to when you first walked into the room and thought, "Dear god, what is THAT doing here?"

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/346-Fable-2

They will gladly pay you NEVER for all the crap they thanklessly take today

2008-11-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

We all have met someone like this...
Or perhaps you are someone like this...
The imposition moocher.

The guy you skirt by in the hallway at work hoping to God you avoid him long enough that he won't ask for something from you.

The girl that calls you just to borrow something, generally money, and you know she's got a sob story tacked onto that open palm of hers.

The "friend" that does not understand when they overstay their welcome.

Even as you are literally pushing them out the door with silly excuses like having to work or needing to take the baby to the doctor, they are sputtering words about playing your XBOX while you are gone, or asking to use your internet to buy their Buffy action figure on eBay.

Did you ever notice that these people rarely, if ever, have any close friends? There is a reason for that.

Seriously...at what point in these people's lives did they come to the conclusion that being a literal burden on others equates to acceptable social behaviors?

SERIOUSLY!

So I have a message to all of those people that use and abuse the laws of good friendship, neighborly conduct, co-worker etiquette, and the like.

On behalf of everyone who wishes they could say these things.

Dear Faux Friend,

Please stop: asking for money, drinking all the booze and never contributing, asking us to hook you up with our hot friends who think you're creepy, overstaying your welcome, asking us to help your friend move, bumming cigarettes without ever returning the favor, not getting the hint when we ask you to leave, asking for rides and then expecting them, coming over unannounced and staying regardless of how unwelcome you are, eating all the food in the house like you have been given the right to do so, eating ANY food without permission, dragging us into your useless drama, acting sad and depressed to have a reason to talk to us, telling obscene jokes in the workplace and expecting us to find you amusing, only calling us when you want or need something, inviting yourself to things that never included you in the first place, saying "I'll pay you back" (because you won't and you know it), promising things you'll never deliver, calling us constantly for no apparent reason, not listening while we talk as you wait your turn to talk, being loud and obnoxious in movie theaters, acting like whatever is going on in our lives could not possibly be as bad as what is going on in yours, and asking us to house sit your pet for months and not expecting to compensate us for the time and money spent nursing your animal back to health, you heartless bastard.
Thank You.
Sincerely,
Everyone else on the planet.

Well, you've had zero success so far, but for sure wishing upon that star ought to do it...

2008-11-11T20:37:00.000-08:00

Did you ever feel like there was something pulling, dragging, and all but carrying you to a conclusion that you knew all along?
Have you ever wanted something so bad you physically feel the hatred flowing through you when you see others that have it?
Have you ever worried that maybe, just maybe, you really won't get the chance to climb mount Everest, or swim the English channel, or write the magnum Opus that would launch you to stardom?
Dreams are great, so long as you know the difference between dreams and goals. Dreams are things that you have to pursue wholeheartedly or not at all. Goals are things you have to work towards.

I am worried that we may have been lied to as kids. I have had the blissfully circumstantial series of opportunities to achieve all but two of my dreams thus far, but that was nothing but my shamrock luck carrying me along.

Everyone knows those people with their grand plans for life...and I mean REALLY grand. Like almost unbelievable grand, and I don't have the heart to tell them that I don't think sitting on the couch making a few bucks more than minimum wage, doing nothing but obsessing about being home on time to watch "Chuck" is the surefire path to making dreams come true.

As a matter of fact, I know that is definitely NOT the way you make dreams come true.

Disney never had a princess who was gifted with a lovely singing voice, but never left the cottage where she lived so no one knew it, and she never met a prince, and became a legal secretary or something. That's because that concept SUCKS.

Dreams are things you have to go out and try to grab, along with everyone else on this planet. The people that achieve their dreams are either REALLY dedicated, REALLY talented (and don't kid yourself....nearly everyone has a mom who thinks they are special), or REALLY lucky (Jackson Pollock should thank his lucky stars he married his artistic marketing genius of a wife).

What I am saying is, if you want to become a professional sailor, learn to sail. If you want to be a dancer, try out and audition. If you want to be an author, publish a book.

Either that, or accept the fact that this is all there is, kid, and learn to find joy in everyday life. :)

"Are you the angel of death? I thought you'd be taller..."

2008-11-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

When you flood your basement, calling in a plumber to fix the leaky pipe may stop more water from flooding in, but it does not solve the issue of the water that's already saturating your drywall.

Do you see what I mean?

We, as Americans, are a country of immediacy. We require things to serve us, serve us well, and not inhibit our ability to speed recklessly towards a stress-induced heart attack before we can qualify for the senior citizens menu at Denny's.

We are also a nation of the individual, not the group.

We have cars that seat five but we like to drive ourselves to work rather than share.

We like to take single vacations, have our own phone plans, buy houses with four rooms and live in it alone, we prefer to date via the internet rather than going out and about, and then we whine about the lack of human interaction.

Well...we cut ourselves off, what did we expect?

So our economy is rapidly declining, our society is demanding and our marriages are pre-divorces. Not exactly what the 1950's had in mind, but times change.

That being said, hooray for diplomacy. I have heard tell that there are some people in this world, mostly religious zealots, that are under the paranoid delusion that President Elect Obama is the anti-christ.

That's a little harsh, wouldn't you say?

I mean, he hasn't even been given the chance to take his morning coffee on the White House veranda and you are already hiding your first born children under the bed and smearing lamb's blood on the door frame.

Let's not jump off the bridge of practicality just yet, people.

While I still maintain my political ambiguity and declare myself an Independent, I felt as though the time has come for people to take off your crazy hats and face the future of the free world for what it is.

Love it or hate it, Obama will be president.

Now, if he swears into office and then elects the four horsemen of the apocalypse to be his Advisers, then I would be inclined to admit that the religious zealots may be onto something.

Either way, we are in for one historical political ride...

Vis a Vie an Introduction?

2008-11-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

It is hard to put into words the way that I feel this blog spot ought to be.

I don't want to turn this into another place where families get together and parents declare their child to be a prodigious masterpiece courtesy of their conquering genes.

I also don't want to turn this into a place where people can irritatingly declare vicious hatred towards whatever they feel empowers them to hate. There is something so cowardly about being unjustifiably vicious online.

It's like declaring yourself the winner of a tournament no one has ever heard of, and then you get mad when no one cares.

You spend half of your time arguing the truth of your case that you forgot it was a lie to begin with.

Wasted energy if you ask me.

What I really want is a place of expression with foundation.

A place of creative opinion and appreciation.

A place where I control things, which satisfies my need to have my hands on the steering wheel.
:)

That being said, welcome to the Charcoal Bookmark.